So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
