dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
