Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
