I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
