i permit you to call me
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
