I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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