totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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