The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
