Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
