Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
its not stalking. its research.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
