Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
