Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
