I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
