Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
