i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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