Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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