I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
