Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
