So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
