Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
