The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
