the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
