why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
it's great music for shaving your balls
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
