i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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