Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Dear god my vagina.
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