Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
