I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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