Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
