I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
