may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
