I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
not ubering you a puppy
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
