I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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