i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
