Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
