On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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