I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
