We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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