I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
