She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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