You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
