remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
