he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
