I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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