That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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