ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
