Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just found a bag of teeth...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
