I just pynch a tree in the face
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
