Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
