she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You are a genius and a whore.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
