yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
