a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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