sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
