He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
