Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you never un-have a 4some
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
