i just had sex bonerless
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
