we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This house was built for laser tag.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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